If you’ve hung around church people for more than five minutes, you know this already.
Church people have code words.
I’m not talking about Greek or Hebrew. I’m talking about….that language. You know the one I’m talking about. The one we all seem fluent in but nobody ever taught us. The one where everything sounds nice…. but doesn’t actually mean what we’re saying.
Call it lying if you want. But it’s not.
It’s code.
Polite church code. Words we use to say difficult things without actually sounding like we’re saying difficult things.
So for the sake of clarity. And the absence of it. Let’s decode a few of the greatest hits, shall we?
Because sometimes what we say and what we mean are two different things.
“I’ll pray about it.”
That really means: I don’t want to, but I will sound spiritual if I say I’ll pray about it. A spiritual “get out of jail free” card.
“We should get together sometime.”
This means: We will never, in fact, get together.
“I’m just saying…”
Translation: I completely disagree with what you’re saying. And, yes, I’m judging you. I just don’t want it to seem like I am.
“We just want to love people.”
Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
Okay, but what this often means is: We want to love people… until they threaten our comfort zone, ask us tough questions, or challenge what we think we know.
“We’re a Bible-believing church.”
Classic.
What this usually means is: We believe the parts of the Bible that we like and we’ve got some creative explanations for the rest.
“That’s not what we believe here.”
Means: People, stop asking questions. We have gone as far as we are willing to go.
“We’re not political.”
Love this one.
Usually means: We are political… and we don’t even realize it because our politics have become our normalized beliefs.
“God put this on my heart…”
It means: I have an opinion about this, and now I want everyone to hear it, and take it really seriously.
“We just need to get back to the Bible.”
You feel the weight in that one, don’t you?
Truth is, what this often means is: We want things to go back to the way they were…when life was easier. Which means: back when we had more power over people not like us and it made us feel important and comfortable.
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
Another classic.
Translation: Oh man, I am way out of my comfort zone right now. Let’s end this conversation before it gets any more uncomfortable.
“We’re saving a seat for you.”
As long as we’re clear that sometimes that means: We want you to be here. But only if you fit in here.
“You just need to have faith.”
Translation: Stop asking questions I’m incapable of answering.
“God is in control.”
Translation: I have no idea what is going on. And I’m trying to hang onto something.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
This one almost always means: I don’t know what to say but I can’t say nothing.
“We’re like a family here.”
Okay, hear me out on this one. This one can be true.
Which is why it’s wonderful. And scary. And deep down, kind of messy.
“But bless your heart.”
Don’t even get me started on that one. You know what that means.
Here’s my point.
Sometimes we say these things. And we all do. Because we’re not usually trying to be hypocritical.
We’re trying to be nice. Or cautious. Or good stewards. Faithful. Protective. Humble.
We’re just trying to find words for things that are hard to discuss.
Love. Faith. Doubt. Fear. Grace. Hope.
And when we can’t…. we reach for the code words that bring us comfort when we can’t find the words we want to say.
But what would happen if we just said what we meant?
“I don’t agree with you.”
“I don’t think that will work.”
“I don’t know why this happened.” or “I’m not sure why this is happening.”
“I’m still working through my faith.”
“I love you. I really do. And I’m glad you’re here.”
No code words.
No translations.
Just raw.
Just real.
Just us being the community we say we want to be.
