Dear Conservative, The Bible Doesn’t Hate Who You Think It Does

Some folks out here are really committed to being loud and wrong.

Because somehow, despite thousands of pages,
ancient languages, and cultural nuance,
they’ve managed to reduce the Bible to six cherry-picked verses
and a deep-seated fear of glitter.

Meanwhile, the prophets are out here screaming about injustice,
Jesus is flipping tables,
and the early church is organizing mutual aid.

But no, you think the Bible’s central message is
“God hates the gays.”
Please.

The Bible doesn’t hate queer folks.

But it does have some things to say about liars, hypocrites, oppressors, and folks who hoard wealth while stepping on the poor.
Funny how nobody’s carving that into Hobby Lobby wall art.

Let’s Talk About Those “Clobber Verses”

Leviticus?
Y’all are quoting purity codes from a book that also bans
polyester blends and shrimp cocktails.
Unless you’re throwing out your Red Lobster punch card,
maybe pump the brakes.

Romans 1?
You mean Paul’s rant about exploitative Roman power games,
not two women in love who file taxes together and sing alto in the church choir?

Sodom and Gomorrah?
That was about violent inhospitality, not your cousin’s same-sex wedding.
Ezekiel even spells it out for you: they were arrogant, overfed, and failed to care for the poor.

But sure, go ahead and ignore all that.
Wouldn’t want to interrupt your weaponized theology with actual context.

You’re Not “Defending Scripture.” You’re Defending Power.

Here’s the thing:
When people quote the Bible to justify exclusion,
they’re rarely defending God.
They’re defending the status quo.
They’re defending power dressed up in piety.

Jesus didn’t come to reinforce the system.
He came to break it wide open.

And every time he spoke up, it wasn’t to shame the outcast –
it was to confront the comfortable.

Spoiler: The Bible’s Heroes Weren’t Straight, Cis, White, or Rich

David danced out of his clothes.
Ruth pledged herself to Naomi.
Jesus surrounded himself with unmarried women, tax cheats, zealots, and folks who definitely didn’t pass doctrinal review.
The Ethiopian eunuch? Baptized on sight.

If that list makes you squirm,
it’s not because it’s unbiblical.
It’s because it is.

The Bible isn’t a rulebook for policing sexuality.
It’s a messy, multivocal library full of resistance, liberation, and sacred disruption.

And every time you twist it into a weapon against queer people,
you’re not being faithful.
You’re being fragile.

So Who DOES the Bible Condemn?

Let’s open that good book, shall we?

It condemns the priestly class for gatekeeping grace.
It calls out the rich for crushing the poor.
It rebukes empires that cage prophets and kill innocents.
It demands justice, not dogma.

You want biblical morality?

Let’s talk about ICE detention centers.
Let’s talk about billionaires baptizing their greed in patriotic hymns.
Let’s talk about churches that spend more on smoke machines than housing the unhoused.

The Bible doesn’t hate queer folks.
It hates what’s being done in its name.

Final Benediction (May It Ruin Your Next Church Picnic)

If your theology punches down,
it’s not sacred.
It’s just supremacy in Sunday drag.

If your Bible has more footnotes on Leviticus than it does on liberation,
you’ve made an idol of your insecurity.

And if your faith can’t handle the fact that Love wears glitter,
marches in parades,
and baptizes the bruised and beautiful alike,
then you don’t want faith.
You want control.

And Love, bless its rainbow-drenched heart,
doesn’t answer to your fear.