It's Clobberin’ Time

[Editors note: About 20 years ago, I wrote a piece called “Clobbering ‘Biblical’ Gay Bashing – a theological deep-dive into how a handful of Bible verses have been weaponized against LGBTQ+ folks. Those verses got nicknamed the “clobber verses” for a reason. The article didn’t quite break the internet, but it definitely cracked a few conservative bubbles. (Death threats, y’all. Actual death threats.) Recently, someone suggested I update it with newer scholarship. So here it is: reimagined, theologically upgraded, and written in the same spirit – just with fewer footnotes and maybe a touch more fire and a bit more bite sized

I give you my compendium for clobbering the clobber verses… ]

Let’s be honest: if the Church handed out trophies, we’d win gold in two categories: potlucks and misinterpreting scripture. Nobody clobbers people with a Bible quite like we do. And somehow, we always pick the same targets: the historically excluded, the vulnerable, and anybody who doesn't fit into our sanitized, starched-shirt version of “godliness.”

And right now? The Church is neck-deep in one of its greatest hits: weaponizing the Bible against LGBTQ+ folks.

But here’s the thing. We’ve done this before. We used the Bible to defend slavery. To silence women. To launch Crusades and uphold segregation. To bully, shame, and control. Then, after a few centuries and a whole lot of pain, we sort of apologize, but only after doing the kind of damage that doesn’t scrub out with a little bleach and a prayer.

So, buckle up.

We’re going to walk through what the so-called “clobber verses” really say (and don’t say) about LGBTQ+ people. And we’re going to do it with theology that doesn’t smell like it’s been sitting in a pew since 1850.

The Real Sin? Playing God

Most of this biblical gay-bashing starts with a lie: that some folks are in and others are out.

And (funny coincidence) the folks doing the judging always end up in the “in” crowd. Weird how that works, huh?

But the thread that runs through scripture (the real thread) is Love.

Love that welcomes.
Love that disrupts.
Love that gets you crucified for challenging empire.

That’s what the prophets were about. That’s what Jesus was about. And that’s what too many churches can’t seem to stomach.

Hate By Another Name Still Stinks

Christians love to dress up bigotry in soft language. “Hate the sin, love the sinner,” they say, ike that’s not just a passive-aggressive way to tell queer folks they’re broken. But sexual orientation isn’t detachable. You can’t unzip yourself out of being gay, bi, trans, or queer. That’s not how identity works. It’s like saying, “Hate the toppings, love the pizza.”

What sounds like piety is just cruelty in church clothes.

And make no mistake: the Church’s shame-fueled theology has left scars.
Closet-shaped trauma.
Spiritual PTSD.
And too often, funerals for kids who couldn’t survive the weight of a God their church told them hated them.

If your theology drives people to despair – it’s not Christlike. It’s abusive.

The Bible Is Not a Sex Manual

Some folks act like the Bible is an ancient edition of Cosmo. But if we’re being real, the Bible’s take on sex and marriage is a hot mess. We’ve got polygamy, concubines, forced marriages, virginity tests, and brother-in-law baby duty. Solomon had a thousand reasons to never swipe right.

And don’t even get me started on Lot offering his daughters to an angry mob. Not exactly a WWJD moment.

Yet somehow, we don’t preach sermons about stoning mouthy kids or banning shrimp cocktails. (God Hates Shrimp!). We’ve let those go. We learned to contextualize... well, most of the time.

But when it comes to homosexuality? Suddenly it’s all literalism and Leviticus.

Funny, huh? Not really.

Orientation Wasn’t a Thing in Bible Times

Before we dig into the so-called clobber verses, let’s clear something up. The concept of “sexual orientation” (the idea that people are innately drawn to a certain gender) didn’t exist when the Bible was written. It wasn’t even a category.

Trying to get the Bible to talk about sexual orientation is like asking it to explain WiFi.

What we do see in scripture are a few references to same-sex acts – usually male-on-male and usually wrapped up in power, exploitation, or idolatry. But loving, mutual, queer relationships? They aren’t addressed. Because the concept didn’t exist.

So when someone tells you “the Bible clearly says,” ask them if the Bible also clearly supports geocentrism, slavery, or leprosy quarantine laws. Because it does. That is, if you read it like a rulebook instead of a sacred story unfolding in context.

Now, Let's Clobber the Clobber Verses

Genesis 19: Sodom’s Real Sin? A Lack of Hospitality

The men of Sodom weren’t gay. They were violent. They wanted to gang-rape Lot’s guests to assert dominance. This was about power, not desire.

Scripture itself tells us what Sodom’s sin was: greed, arrogance, inhospitality, abuse of the vulnerable (Ezekiel 16:49, Isaiah 1:10-17, Jeremiah 23:14).

So, if you’re using this passage to bash queer folks? You’re not just wrong, you’re standing with the actual sin of Sodom.

Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13: Purity Code ≠ Eternal Morality

Leviticus is part of an ancient purity code meant to set Israel apart from neighboring cultures. It bans male-male sex. But it also bans shellfish, blended fabrics, and touching pigskin (bad news for football fans).

These purity laws were never about universal ethics. They were about cultural identity and ritual cleanliness, neither of which apply in the same way today. Jesus himself redefined purity (Mark 7:15), and the early church abandoned food laws altogether (Acts 10).

Let’s be honest: if you eat bacon but preach Leviticus to condemn gay folks, your theology is more convenience than covenant.

Also: shrimp wrapped in bacon? Proof that God exists and has good taste. (Yes, Benjamin Franklin actually said it about wine, but I'm pretty sure he’d co-sign the bacon-shrimp combo). So, go ahead, eat it. God will not smite you!

Romans 1: Unnatural Doesn’t Mean Queer

Romans 1 is often cited to condemn homosexuality, but a closer look reveals something different. Paul’s concern is people acting against their own nature, not some imagined universal “natural order.” The Greek word physikos (translated “natural”) refers to what’s natural to an individual, not a one-size-fits-all sexuality chart.

In other words, Paul is calling out behavior that violates someone’s own sexual orientation. He’s talking about coercion, idolatry, exploitation, not LGBTQ+ identity.

Also worth noting: Romans 2 comes right after Romans 1. It starts with a mic drop: “You have no excuse when you judge others. You condemn yourself.” Funny how that verse rarely makes it onto protest signs.

1 Corinthians 6 & 1 Timothy 1: Lost in Translation

The Greek words arsenokoitai and malakoi are the trickiest of the bunch. Nobody really knows what they mean. They show up rarely and don’t have clear definitions. But here’s what we do know:

• Arsenokoitai is likely a compound of “male” and “bed,” but could refer to anything from exploitative sex to economic abuse to male prostitution.

• Malakoi literally means “soft” and has been used to describe effeminacy, decadence, or weakness, not sexual orientation.

There are better Greek words Paul could’ve used if he wanted to condemn queer love. He didn’t.

Which means any modern translation that uses “homosexual” here is doing more eisegesis than exegesis. In other words, it’s less about theology and more about what angry men at the Pride Fest with bullhorns and unresolved issues want it to say. Translation isn’t neutral. It's theology in disguise.

Beyond the Clobber Verses: The Queer Threads of Faith

If you’re only looking at the “don’t” verses, you’re missing the big picture. Scripture is full of queer resonance.

• The Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8? A gender-nonconforming outsider baptized without condition. Philip didn’t ask for a statement of faith. He didn’t run it by the deacons. He just said, “What’s stopping you?” (Spoiler: nothing.)

• Jesus praised those who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom (Matthew 19:12) – a phrase modern scholars recognize as inclusive of gender diversity.

• And Jesus himself? Born to an unwed teenage girl. Lived homeless. Surrounded himself with outcasts, foot-washers, and folks who didn’t color inside the lines. Honestly, if the Church had existed back then, Jesus would've been kicked out of Sunday School for violating the dress code.

The queer community isn’t outside the biblical story. They’ve always been part of it. It’s just that the Church put them in the footnotes instead of the headlines.

They’re the X-Men of faith. Misunderstood. “Mutated” by grace. (It's a superpower). And more powerful together than the powers that try to erase them.

Let’s Call It What It Is

If you want to call homosexuality a sin, go ahead. But don’t pretend it’s because the Bible says so. You’re not interpreting scripture. You’re projecting your discomfort and blaming it on God.

And that? That’s using the God's name in vain.

If your faith makes you cruel, it's not Jesus you're following.
It's control.
It’s empire.
It’s fear wrapped in religion.

But if your faith leads you to love more, welcome wider, and tell the truth even when it costs you?

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Because that’s where Jesus lives.
Not in the clobbering. In the healing.
Not in the hate. In the liberation.

Final Thought from the Back Pew

We don’t get to choose who God loves.

We just get to choose whether we’ll join in.

And if your Bible reading leads you to condemnation instead of compassion?

You might not be reading the Jesusy parts.